Category Archives: H

Silver Linings

I would be lying to say this week has not been a challenge. Monday was the worst–my roommate’s case of the flu was confirmed (poor thing) and I’ve been  staying at a friend’s house, one of my podcast co-hosts, D1. This was so I could sleep (our townhome’s walls are quite thin) and so I would not be infected.

My anxiety about getting the flu got so dastardly, I went to our health clinic to get a flu test done. I don’t have the flu. Yay! But, in my hasty celebration, I shove my wallet in my pocket. A couple hours later, when I cannot find it, I realize it’s gone–as in lost permanently.

No, this is not as bad as one of my favorite podcaster’s stories where he loses his bag which contains his passport, iPad, laptop, 3DS, and all his possessions in a crowded Tokyo train station at rush hour. No, it’s definitely not as as bad as that. And while that does make me feel better, it’s still problematic. I cancel all my cards, and realize that pretty much everything in there is replaceable, and keep going with my week.

The first silver lining to this whole debacle is that I start talking to D1’s new girl friend, R, on the phone while I was over at his house, and mildy tipsy on Tequila. She’s one of the sweetest, smartest people I’ve met in a long time. D1 is gaga, and who can blame him, honestly? Do you remember the last time you talked on the phone with a gal pal of yours for an hour and felt totally comfortable? I don’t. That may be because that’s never happened to me before, ever. I hope we can meet in person soon.

Another silver lining, unrelated to the flu and wallet thing, is that I pulled a 245 5×5 deadlift, followed by 275 for a triple. 275 is a PR, and considering I got it for three feels almost surreal. I was so focused on getting that weight, that I didn’t notice until I got home that it was my first time getting that, ever. But, I got it for three. Incredible. Couple of my PL guys put some great tweaks in my form and approach, and I think at this point, this lift is going to skyrocket.

Needless to say I’m sore. And I’m tired. Had an interesting talk last night with H. We really discussed some valuable things, and I think our relationship is only going to improve. While that cloud darkened the horizon of my mind for a while, the fact that we are enjoying the sun right now speaks to the potential longevity of our relationship. We’re going to start up our little tiny Book Club again, and I’ve picked the selection. My Risk, Policy, and Law class assigned the first two chapters of Against the Gods: The Remarkable Story of Risk, which sounds extremely dry, but I LOVED it.

Probably the best silver lining of all this week was that my faith in humanity was restored. Someone turned my wallet into the police station, and I got EVERYTHING back yesterday. It was in front of a building I never walk in front of. The world will never know on that one.

Last, but not least, here’s some great reading that’s been keeping me going this week:

“Why Don’t I Look Like Her? A Guide to Stop Comparing” I’m pretty bad about this, but I’m beginning to love my body for how I’ve improved and look. This was a pretty helpful read. I might have goals for my physique, but I’m starting to learn to love the process.

“Taking Care of Yourself When You Feel Like Shutting Down” This got me through Monday. Self care is paramount, and no amount of self flagellation will return a wallet to you.

“Get Your Hair Wet Activity” I love this idea! I really want to do it. It’s kind of like a love letter to yourself almost. Here’s from the site:

“A creative way to catalog all the upcoming adventures you’ll have is to keep them safe and tidy in a decorated mason jar. Each time you get out of your comfort zone or try something new, write it down on a strip of paper place it inside your jar. You can even color-code your memories — red for a time you spoke up, blue for a time you faced your fears, purple for learning a new skill — you get the idea! At the end of the year you can empty out the memories and bask it all the ways you got your hair wet and feel proud to be you.

I love that proud to be me part. I am learning how to be, slowly.

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Filed under Adventures, Books, bro, Friends, H, Health, Likes, School, Workout

Hello New Friends, New Lifelines (Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes, Part Three)

May trigger–be careful, friends. 

I must say, I was surprised to see so many new people interact with my blog after that last post! I am truly honored you want to read this outlet from me. Welcome, then, to the new faces and welcome back to those who were already following.

…I hope this entry doesn’t scare you off.

I need to talk about my eating disorder recovery. It’s a heavy topic, but I need to address it since half of my blog’s title is inspired by my recovery story. I’m putting the rest of this under a cut because I don’t want anyone to read this who may be hurt by it.

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Unexpected Ramblings on Christmas

I didn’t check my voicemail and now I’m stuck in the Edmond Starbucks until 10:15 waiting on a dermatologist appointment. Why?

We were supposed to have one crazy ice storm–the kind you go clean Wal-Mart out of bread, milk and eggs for–and it didn’t even happen. They still changed my appointment anyway, and I literally missed that memo.

I haven’t had the opportunity to do my yoga and report yet. I am giving myself some grace here since its not the first full week of January and I have been lifting every day of the year so far (what can I say, I really missed it). I still wanted to blog about something while I was waiting, this rainy Saturday morning.

Five of my Favorite Moments this Christmas

This Christmas, like all My Christmases, I visited family. But not all of them take place at the beach…

Fun fact, the water is still cold. There's even winter in Florida, folks.

Fun fact, the water is still cold. There’s even winter in Florida, folks.

My Grandma moved to Florida in the past year, so that was a fun Boxing Day experience to see such white sand!

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I had the best Thai food ever in Mississippi of all places. The restaurant and presentation were wonderful. Everything was served on this beautiful China set!

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On the other side of the family, mom and I played Munchkin. She loves buying board games for my two younger cousins.

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I also made breakfast for everyone. Despite messing up the pancake mix, they still turned out wonderfully.

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Dad and I went to a huge Asian supermarket. The food presentation is fantastic in these places.

Finally, no Christmas is complete without discussing gifting! I received everything I asked for (new loaf pan, two textbooks, and a water flosser) and gave some gifts that the recipients really liked! My friends from my podcast got personalized mugs with our podcast logo on them, with my great chocolate fudge.

My favorite gift I gave was to H. It was a custom ordered mousepad with his favorite DOTA2 character on it. This character has no merch with him on it at all, despite how cool he is. (I’ll write about my favorite videogame, DOTA2, later–maybe when I review the Steam holiday sale).

When I told him that no one else had that mousepad in the entire world, he might have gotten a bit misty. It was a lovely feeling.

While this Christmas wasn’t the smoothest, reflecting on it makes me thankful now. I give thanks for my family who loves me, for the times we shared, and for the years to come for me to spend time with them.

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Right Here, Right Now

I’ve found that a certain calmness has crept into my spirit as of late. The act of actively doing nothing is a powerful force to be reckoned with. Assimilating your expectations to a fixed point. That fixed point is the target of that activity that receives all of your attention. Then, once complete, move on to the next task.

I’ve obviously had quite a meditative Wednesday.

Besides having good lifts the past couple of days (deload was the week prior, so we’re finally making upward progress again), I’m starting to reach a more consistent contentment with myself. It is a feeling of quietness amidst noise that I’ve never experienced before.

H and I aren’t doing the same program for the first time in our co-lifting history. I’m enjoying the sensation as well as what it symbolizes: that I am growing into my own as a female lifter. I am beginning to feel comfortable enough to mention to people in real life that I lift weights and it is an empowering feeling.

Can it be that the dust is finally settling? Starting from the beginning of college, it seems like I got hit with by the garbage truck called “change.” From moving out to my parent’s divorce, as well as my own eating disorder, things have been tumoiltous. But now, it isn’t like that. States of flux happen but they have patterns of order.

I read somewhere that randomness is merely a human concept. There is a pattern to everything if you just look…

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Stuffed Crust

Just...stuffed.

For starters, it is only barely ten A.M. and I would shove this pizza in my face. As much as I love traditional breakfast food, I would and could eat just about anything for breakfast. And believe me, I have. Leftover chimichanga? Probably not my best decision, but that didn’t stop me.

Unfortunately, my previously iron stomach has been simply eating itself  lately as I’ve been having to take two to three servings of Tums per day, typically after meals. Okay, I definitely derailed my train of thought there. I don’t just post about stuffed crust pizza in my blog, regardless of how delicious it looks.

I just wanted to let the world know about a brand new use of the word “stuffed crust.”

Stuffed crust is the word H and I use for our aesthetics in a certain department–specifically legs. Examine the picture again.

Now think of veiny, muscle laden legs with a smidge of padding on them from your post-bulk season. Similarities?

Murdertown just stuffs my crust. Yesterday was the beginning of our “3” week from 5/3/1 model and, more specifically, front squats. The ball joints in my hips will probably never be the same from this.

Besides our FS, on our workout plate we had presses, dumbbell rows, shoulder presses, and sit ups.

Unfortunately for my workout, I had a serious difficulty getting out of my own head until about the last set of my dumbbell rows.  This is due to the fact that there was some resolution to some ex-boyfriend drama and I’m still quite unsure about how I feel about the whole situation. I had been harboring this dead weight of guilt for how things turned out for so long that I didn’t know how to manage with that burden gone…therefore my generalized anxiety got pretty cranked.

But you know what? It is going to be okay.

I have to remember that.

Also, regular squats on Wednesday (tomorrow). My legs will go from stuffed crust to stuffed cheesy bread. You know the monstrous creation. Domino’s developed it, essentially guaranteeing that one could overdose with cheese.

Overdose on squats? Yes please.

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