It’s Friday! Do you know what Friday is? If you answered, “my day off,” you’re right! (And creeping me out because you know too much about me… just kidding!)
I’ve taken this entire week off lifting for the most part. I did some super light lifting on Tuesday, mentally giving myself commands for each lift. I also have done yoga EVERY DAY this week (except for yesterday because I volunteered from 2-9, drove home, and promptly forgot). Despite missing yesterday, I am so proud of myself. Just a week of practice and my sitting wide angle forward bend is already way easier. Before, I could only get my legs in, no joke, the angle your fingers make when you do a peace sign with your first and third fingers. Now I can almost get it to where it needs to be when you do one! Of course, I can’t lay entirely flat (or even close to flat like Rodney Yee) but I’m sure I’ll get it eventually.
Yesterday, I helped run the Junior USA Weightlifting Nationals, which is Olympic weightlifting not powerlifting. For a lot of the day, I helped one of the meet co-sponsors, then did weigh-ins, and ran the table with lifter cards and laptop for an entire high school meet. Weigh-ins are simple enough, but man was keeping track of weights a bit tricky, because they do sequential loading, not flights.
But as I am writing this in between playing games of DOTA2, I want to leave you with the first part of twelve quotes to inspire you. These are hopefully what I keep in mind for my meet tomorrow, and for the rest of my non-lifting adventures. Stick around for part two tomorrow!
Bad habit of mine that I definitely need to get over. This is officially on my to-do list. I hate disappointing people, so its really easy for them to talk me into things I don’t want to do. I need to let my yesses be yesses, and my nos be nos. And that is that.
One of the first quotes I saw today on a Pinterest page. I think this is very important to remember. I am a competitive person. The fact that I know there will be girls who weigh less than me who are doing much more weight always sets my teeth on edge at powerlifting meets. But–remembering that I am Alexandra, a person who is unlike anyone else on this planet because of the intersection of my life experiences and interests, reassures me that I am truly only competing against myself, despite powerlifting with others in one place. A girl I know can pull 420. I cannot. But I want to, someday. And I know I will make it that far.
Ya know, its hard for me to not kick myself about my past experiences. “If I had only gone to OU for undergrad, I might be much better equipped for my life” or “why did I stop doing plays? I miss it” or “GUH why did I not train from child like that 90 pound girl who is clean and jerking my max!!!” But you know what? I need to be thankful for them and experience gratitude about my past. All of these experiences have made me the person I am, the person who is typing this blog entry. This is my daily reminder that I could be a completely different person if I had “fixed” some of those perceived mistakes of my past. They were not mistakes. They were experiences that made my life whole and 100 percent uniquely me.
This is, indeed, my motto for this year! I’ve said it before but 2015 is going to be my year. I’m sick of feeling sorry for myself because of my “imperfections.” I’m sick of hating myself. I am going to love myself, damn it, and make this year the best one of my life so far.
In a similar vein, here is this Neil Gaiman quote. I know, it’s not the New Year anymore, but I hope to surprise myself in 2016 with what I’ve accomplished. I’ve got some research projects in the works, opportunities to work with amazing professors, and a wonderful community support system. This magic I have means I am no longer alone in my battle. I am very blessed to have what he recommends. And I’m also very blessed to have tickets to see Neil Gaiman speak at my dad’s university! (Another reason to include this quote.)
I let this happen to myself far too often. I let my spirit be crushed by the latest disaster of the day, like how I thought I lost my only car key this past week when I had a rather pleasant day. Sigh. I didn’t, and I was lucky, but I was this close to having a full fledged panic attack. And, of course, I have been stressing to a ridiculous degree about making weight for my meet. Again, unnecessarily so. Most of the signals around me say that starting after this contest, I’m not going to worry about cutting anymore and worry about growing stronger only. But that’s another little stupid thing that breaks my happiness.
I cannot do a full pigeon, I cannot squat 300, and I cannot go a day without worrying. YET. Future me can. So I can do a full pigeon. I can squat 300. I can go a day without worrying. I know I can, and I will wait patiently for the day that I can.
To be continued…